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You’re playing blackjack in the anteroom with a monkey and a priest

The monkey won’t stop jabberin about how you’re such a beast

Your skin is crawling from the awful thought that the monkey's really where it’s at

Well you’re a million miles from salvation

But two steps away from a tin foil hat


There’s ten men in a darkened room deciding all our fates

You’ve given up on everything and now all you do is wait

Every time your teacher calls out to you, you think that it’s a trap

You’re a million miles from salvation

But two steps away from a tin foil hat

When the wise man approaches you and tries to tell the truth

You point your pistol to your head and say, “One step closer or I’ll shoot!”

When he stoops to tie your shoelace you run screaming off the map

You’re a million miles from salvation

But two steps away from a tin foil hat

Your savior was coming back for you just about any day

But it seems he got distracted somewhere along the way

So you throw the knowledge of the ages on the junkheap and sell it off as scrap

Well you’re a million miles from salvation

But two steps away from a tin foil hat

Someone yells there’s a concrete wall just around the bend

And you grab the wheel and hit the gas and scream “Full speed ahead!”

You can’t help but smile and say, “I’m no fool for this conspiracy crap.”

I’m a million miles from salvation

Now will you please hand me that tin foil hat!